The Washington Post's
Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the
dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and
supplying a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The
act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for a
really long time.
2. Ignoranus: A person
who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria
at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to
start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming
back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The
substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near
future.
6. Foreploy: Any
misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism
spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf
between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take
coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A
degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's
like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And
then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The
grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good
for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and
no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The
tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit
(n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through
a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a
mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be
cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.):
The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has
also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers
are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted,
adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate,
v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade,
v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6.
Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.
7. Lymph,
v To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle,
n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9.
Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash,
n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle,
n. A humorous question on an exam.
12.
Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster,
n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism,
n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck
there.
16. Circumvent,
n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men .
I wish you love, joy, and lots of fun reading.
PS My favorites were Innoculatte and Circumvent, What were yours?
